You know what really grinds my gears? Calculus, String Theory, and Dark Matter.

Mathematical constructs do not represent the real world. They can be useful sometimes for inventing technology, but getting “close enough” to something that it happens to work out is not the same as cold hard objective fact and truth. It’s great that we have all this technology, but it annoys the shit out of me that the byproduct of that is a bunch of “apparent paradoxes” that make people ‘oooh’ and ‘ahhh’ about crap that isn’t really a paradox at all, it just looks that way because somebody fudged a bunch of numbers. Calculus is useful for practical applications, but it is based on approximating things as you get closer and closer to values that we can never actually reach. Well, derivatives are anyway. Once you get into advanced calculus, you’re now taking approximations of approximations of approximations, ad nauseam, and by the time you’ve gone through that many cycles of being “close enough” to being “close enough”, it becomes like that game of “telephone” where you whisper a secret around a circle of enough people so that by the time it gets back to you it’s something completely different from what you started with. It’s like, yellow is close enough to green, which is close enough to blue, which is close enough to purple.. hey look everybody, I just proved that yellow is purple! Discordians have a term for this, it’s called the “Law of Fives”.

By this same logic, 2 + 2 = 5 and x ≠ x are also totally valid mathematical operations.

Furthermore, there is an idea going around the internet I keep seeing over and over again that if you take 1 + 2 + 3 + 4 + … and keep adding higher numbers until infinity, that you will end up with -1/12. This is not true. If you know your calculus, this is an example of a Taylor Series. It is a series which does not converge, and therefore has no sum. It is like dividing a number by zero on a calculator and getting an error and therefore concluding that x/0 = “E”. Think about this in the real world, if you are only *adding* positive numbers to one another, you can’t ever come up with a negative value. If you are only ever using addition, and whole integers, you can’t ever end up with a fraction.

“Although the series seems at first sight not to have any meaningful value at all, it can be manipulated to yield a number of mathematically interesting results, some of which have applications in other fields such as complex analysis, quantum field theory and string theory.” It was this quote which caused me to focus my cannons on String Theory. Read it carefully, it can be “manipulated” to yield interesting results. So now we’re not just talking about an approximation of an approximation, we’re talking about manipulating the results of an approximation of an approximation to make it look like it’s “close enough”. Once again, 1 + 2 + 3 + 4 +… = -1/12 bears about as much weight as 2 + 2 = 5

Furthermore, Gabriel’s Horn is not a paradox either. It only looks like a paradox if you think a mathematical construct accurately represents the real world. Surface area is a 2-dimensional construct. In this world, there is nothing that has length and width but no depth. There is nothing which exists in the material plane which could be described by Gabriel’s Horn. So yeah, I agree, a lot of stuff does look “weird” when you base systems of logical on ignoring certain facts.

String Theory is just absolute bullshit. I don’t even want to get into it. It’s made by a bunch of grad students who are really good at writing grants, and venture capitalists who need justification for all the billions of dollars they wasted. It is another perfect example of the “Law of Fives”, that if you look hard enough for something, you will eventually find “evidence” for your bias. We live in infinity, and this means you will always be able to discover what you seek out to find.

There is absolutely no evidence for Dark Matter. It is by definition undetectable. We’ve been trying to find it for decades, and can’t. Why? BECAUSE IT DOESN’T FUCKING EXIST! The only thing I conclude about the discrepancy in the gravitational calculations of the rotations of galaxies is that there’s something wrong with their theory of gravity and there’s too much at stake to admit they were wrong.

Back in the days of “pure science”, when you found evidence that contradicted your theory, it meant you’d throw that theory out and come up with a better one, not fudge a bunch of shit that no one can prove or disprove to make it look like it works – that’s what Christians do.

Lastly, this search for the “Theory of Everything” is also a waste of time and money, because it also DOES NOT EXIST! Stop looking, maybe sometimes shit just works differently at different scales, or environments or places.

Thanks for listening, folks, this has been another installment of “Grinds my Gears”. And let me just say.. Christians, Republicans, and Hippies, I really can’t think of anyone who consistently bothers me more than these three groups. Consider me effectively trolled, and now that you’ve fed, could you please go back under your bridge where you belong and leave me alone? Thank you all and good night.